DISAPPOINTMENTS IN MINISTRY

I.            INTRODUCTION - AN OVERVIEW

 A.        What disappointment is not:

1.            Disappointment is not when your will is defeated.

God has defeated your will a number of times to your benefit. Sometimes we need to look at the end results and not whether or not we got our way in a particular matter. When we think the good that should happen is blocked.

2.            Disappointment is not when your request is denied.

One must ask the question: "Was my will and desire righteous?" Requests are spoken desires whether they are communicated to God or man. Once again, you must ask what is your right in this situation, or what is right? Did you have the right to ask or were you appealing on the basis of grace or mercy?

3.            Disappointment is not when your character is doubted.

Jesus could do miracles and yet his character was doubted by most and trusted by only a few. When we want to do God's right thing, we are very often accused of being malefactors. What makes us think that we will fare better than our Savior? These are not true disappointments; they are hurts and pains of rejection.

B.         What is disappointment?

1.            Dictionary definition: "Defeated in expectation; what you expected to happen didn't happen."

2.         Spiritual definition and ministry definition: Disappointment is a missed appointment. There is no convergence. When things were supposed to come together, they did not. Perhaps we miss the mark in setting our expectations too high; perhaps others miss the mark in what was understood to be an agreement. Perhaps the situation fell short of what was promised. Theologically or spiritually, disappointment is missing the mark. The Bible talks about missing the mark, chata', as sinning. We fall short of pleasing God. We also fall short of pleasing others and some fall short of pleasing us.

When is disappointment not disappointment?

When you relate your disappointment through the filter of the cross, even a true disappointment does not have to be a disappointment. What is the worst thing anyone can do to you in the world? Kill you… and then you go to be with the Lord. However, in the cross, we already reckon ourselves as dead to the things of this world. So how can one disappoint a dead person? The worst thing someone can do to you is to make things seem worse than they are.

Three illustrations

Y'shua's Life: The road to Emmaus

Can you imagine what the early apostles felt by way of disappointment? First of all, in the person of Y'shua: They expected him to march up to the Temple and announce that He was the Messiah, Prophet, Priest, and King. They expected Him to depose the High Priest, Caiaphas, and replace the rabbis as "chief truth teller." He didn't do this. Rather, He said that if His kingdom were of this world, He would have done such things, but instead He came to be crucified. Who can feel fulfilled following a leader who brings down scandal and is executed as a malefactor?

The second disappointment the apostles experienced was like the first. They had hoped that Jesus would bring in the Kingdom, that they would end up being the princes, the judges, the teachers and the spiritual, social and political power brokers. Once again, He said that His Kingdom was not of this world and that the way to have a big place in the Kingdom was to serve others, to wash feet, to bear burdens, to esteem others better than themselves and to be a servant.

But there is fulfillment in Jesus; a fulfillment of faith which looks ahead. In Jesus, there is the fulfillment of knowing that God will bring to pass what He's promised, the fulfillment that comes when the Blessed Hope is realized.

On the road to Emmaus, Jesus said that what happened was necessary. In order to fulfill all that was necessary and satisfying to the Father's plan, in order to do that which the Father had appointed, Y'shua had to do that which was disappointing and distasteful to man.

Mark 10:45 - "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many."

William Wilberforce

Too many of us are well adjusted to the things of this world. Some of our problems with the staff you supervise occur because you boast in temporal things. It's important to find things to talk about besides your own recreation. This should be a rule.

The usual reason people don't get along with one another is that they get into conflict as to who among them is the most noble. We need to be more creatively maladjusted men and women who do not bow down to the idols of this world: materialism, self seeking, and pride.

An example of the right kind of maladjustment is in the person of William Wilberforce. He was a rather unspectacular Member of Parliament in 18^th century Britain. He felt that God's overriding purpose in bringing him to Parliament was to abolish the slave trade.

As he lobbied for such legislation, the government accused him of plotting the financial suicide of the British Empire. After 20 years of labor that destroyed Wilberforce's health, reputation, and financial security, a bill passed abolishing the slave trade in Britain and 20 million pounds were paid out of the treasury to the trade victims. (It was estimated at the time that the slave trade had destroyed 20 million lives.)

This act has been called, "One of the two or three totally righteous acts of government in human history." But Wilberforce was too sick to appreciate the victory of the day. The harvest came after the season of his life had passed. Were the best years of Wilberforce's life a disappointment?

Barnabas and Paul

Acts 15:39 tells how the two had such a sharp disagreement over John Mark that they parted company. Yet Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus. Was Barnabas choosing to side with John Mark against Paul? It is not clear, but we do know the outcome.

In Colossians 4:10, Paul wrote, "My fellow prisoner Aristarchus sends you his greetings, as does Mark, the cousin of Barnabas. You have received instructions about him; if he comes to you, welcome him." There was a reconciliation.

How do we become disappointed? What are the origins of disappointment and how is it propagated?

In considering how we become disappointed, we must recognize the role that impulse plays in our lives. An impulse is a moving within one's will that motivates one to act. The rabbis wrongly teach that man is not born in sin, but they rightly teach that we have two impulses or urges - the urge to do good and the urge to do bad.

Whereas "original sin" describes a condition of the soul, these impulses, the yetzer ha rah (evil impulse) and the yetzer tov (good impulse) are products of the personality. They are not determiners of the personality. Don't confuse the cause and effect.

How blessed is a child who gains self-discipline at an early age and knows how to control himself. Sometimes when our children get into mischief and we laugh at their behavior like they were cute, we encourage them to follow their bad impulses. We need to hold them responsible when they do what is wrong and when they fail to do what is right. We need to teach them that self-control is possible and necessary.

A disciplined person doesn't act on impulse, though he or she might have as many more impulses than someone we call impulsive. There are big impulses and small impulses. There is the impulse to tell someone to "shut up," or the impulse to take the last cookie on the plate. Or, there is the impulse, when a task is described to say, "I'll do that. I'll take care of it." Or the impulse to give everything we have to a particular mission or cause.

A person reviews each and every impulse. He then acts on some, partially acts on others and resists the rest altogether. But in the mature person, there's a fourth possibility and that is to defer an impulse until later, review it, and deal with it when it is appropriate. Part of discipline is choosing to be with people who want to see you control your impulses, people who know who you are and will help you control your impulses. Even so, every individual is ultimately responsible for how they allow themselves to feel and react when faced with their own impulses.

Some people have an impulse to win at the expense of others. If I've had any success in life, it's that I've refused to compete with other people. I've competed only with myself, because I'm not trying to better them, I'm trying to better me. My competition is not with the outsider but with me. Can I do better? Can I beat myself? That's the way you have to think. It's not just when things go wrong, but when they go right as well. What could I have done better? Particularly when you find an area where you're gifted and you do very well in something. That's where you really concentrate on doing better because you can excel.

Many people who disappoint us do so because they're not mature enough to control their impulses. For example, churches court visitors to attend and become members. (Hopefully, they also will be courting them to come to Christ.) But it's not unusual for an impulsive person to visit a church, hear the invitation and find themselves joining that particular church when they didn't think they were doing anything more than visiting when they went in the door. They had an impulse to respond to the invitation. But that same immature person might never have the impulse to go to that church again.

When someone leaves the ministry, it will often seem that they're leaving on some impulse or some small disappointment that doesn't justify a life-changing decision. But perhaps their joining the ministry was not so much the results of a call from God but as an impulse. If someone comes on an impulse, they might leave on an impulse as well. A few who have left are effectively serving God in other fields and other ways that our Jews for Jesus ministry wouldn't afford.

Matthew 22:14 says, "Many are called, but few are chosen…." What does it mean to be called? A call is an invitation. To answer an ordinary invitation is a choice. An effectual calling is to be chosen.

The difference between those who are called and those who are chosen is the chosen person treats his or her chosenness as being inevitable. A called person might decide to follow the call on impulse and they're free to do so. They are also free not to do so. They will follow along, belong, and do their duty until they receive a contrary impulse. It never ceases to amaze me that when a person decides to "jump ship" or turn their back on a calling, they usually give spiritual reasons for doing it. They make it sound like God is arbitrary and contrary and faithless. When God is doing the choosing, we cannot regard our chosenness as conditional.

One thing about the Jews for Jesus corporate culture is the necessity to fix blame. We fix blame, not to condemn or to punish, but to study the wrong, find out how it happened and to make it right.

Every leader has to be an interpreter of the right way. It's a fact of life, which is unpleasant. Another fact of life that is equally unpleasant for a leader is to set up tests. It's important to keep testing your people to see if they're with you. There are certain things you decide upon as a leader (hopefully not too many) and it becomes sin to not do them. Failure to do them represents rebellion on the part of the person who knows they should be done and refuses to do them.

As leaders, it's important that you set up these tests especially during training. The tests always go against what is convenient. To fail them is sin because there's no good reason to buck them other than a person's own rebellion in their heart. These tests are necessary to weed out those who shouldn't be there. Leaders must set up these tests; otherwise, you'll go into combat and say, "Over the top," and you'll be the only one going.

A lot of us are doing things we don't want to do because they have to get done. God forbid that any of us become "too good" to do what we're supposed to do. If you don't respect the work then you can't respect the worker; the people who serve you. We believe in the dignity of labor that working in itself is good. To have contempt for work is to have contempt for the worker. Most of us don't have a choice as to whether or not we're going to work. However, we do have a choice as to the attitude with which we do our work. I think you'll agree that this is where the problem arises. Leaders, if you think you're too good to pack boxes, you're sending a message to everyone you lead - that you have contempt for what they're doing. You never want to let yourself send this message.

In speaking of a failed marriage, one former wife said, "I put up with him as long as I could, and the Lord called me out of that marriage." I don't know how many people she said that to, but she didn't like my response. I said, “If God called you out of that marriage, then I'm disappointed in Him, because each of you made vows to Him and marriage is supposed to be for as long as you live. How can you put a condition on a vow?”

Much of our problem is from people who have impulses and translate the impulse into a "calling." That is presumption, and the Bible warns against it.

Numbers 14:44-45, "Nevertheless, in their presumption, they went up toward the high hill country, though neither Moses nor the ark of the Lord's covenant moved from the camp. Then the Amalekites and Canaanites who lived in that hill country came down and attacked them and beat them down all the way to Hormah."

When the people presumed, they effectively defeated themselves. They expected God to do that which He had never promised. So they were defeated in battle and disappointed.

James 3:1, "Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly."

If one presumes in becoming a teacher, they will inevitably disappoint themselves, their people and their God.

James 4:2, "You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God."

James tells us that we have not because what we want is amiss. The real victory is to know that while someone deserves to be killed, humiliated, punished, we have the grace to live and endure with that person.

DISAPPOINTING RELATIONSHIPS AND HOW TO AVOID DISAPPOINTMENTS IN RELATING

Perhaps nothing is as devastating to one's morale as a disappointing co-worker. Sometimes their "work becomes shirk" when it comes to the team. Sometimes they quit the team altogether and make the rest of the team feel like losers. When a co-worker leaves, one always feels lonely. And because there's more for each of us to do, the loneliness turns to disappointment.

Sometimes disappointment turns to grief when we see people head away from the place of grace and decline to practice the faith. We wonder how they could have affirmed our covenant, stood with us, taken the disapproval that we took, prayed fervently to the Lord ‑ because now it seems to mean nothing to them. But it is good to remember that God is not through working with people even when they quit us and seem to quit Him.

Or what about the situation where you have put a lot of yourself into mentoring and discipling a person who seems very enthusiastic and eager to grow. Then that person gets involved in immorality and falls so far away that you wonder if they ever were saved.

What can we do about these dreadfully disheartening disappointments in people?

We must build a different kind of relationship that is stronger.

Start all relationships and continue them with a realistic view of the person rather than a romanticized view (that is, do not add value that is not there).

Whatever you do for someone, whatever you give to them, do it and give it as unto the Lord. Do it for Jesus, not merely for the person. If you base what you do and give on your relationship with the Lord, you are motivated by the only One who will not let you down. Even if your relationship with a person is devastated, what you did and what you gave has value. It stands as a sacrifice to the Lord.

Don't allow yourselves to become possessive of people. Don't call people to yourself. They are fellow travelers. Their road should lead to God, not to you. Look for people you can give to, not for those from whom you can get allegiance. Give because you're a giver - that's who you need to be.

Remember that sanctification is a process: for some of us it can be two steps forward and one step back. How we handle our responsibilities is an indicator of our maturity. Maturity is not measured by years, but according to how we are able to handle our experiences.

Never give up on a person. I've seen people "backslide," get divorced, remarried, go into all manner of sin only to turn to the Lord after a lengthy season. Always treat them like they can and will return. People change. God changes people. Compassion has to be there all the time. Forgiveness has to be there all the time. Even sorrow can help us learn and grow. Defeats can turn into victories.

People do grow in the Lord, but they grow through pain. C.S. Lewis once said, "We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." Pain is what files us into shape. Pain is what compels us to consider our ways. You don't want pain for anybody, yet you cannot altogether protect anyone from it. When you raise children, you have to toughen them, you have to say no, you have to cause a certain amount of pain and disappointment. If you don't you're setting them up to be knocked down by a hostile world.